Rautarakeet has a heavy-metal twin. Tilausrakeet, "order hailstones", takes the iron-hail song from 14 October and sings it again, louder, about a storm we were glad to meet: the orders of the record day. The iron hail got a runo; this hail wanted distortion.
The joke is our founder's, from a LowEndTalk post on 15 October: the proper way to DDoS Pulsed Media is to buy all the slots and put them all to work. Skal Tura has turned it into a song.
Listen to Tilausrakeet » (4 minutes 25 seconds)
The first hail was no joke, and the song says so. This one we gladly bear.
Tilausrakeet: the lyrics
Intro, spoken
Vaka vanha Väinämöinen... kuulkaa.
Verse 1
The halls of Kalev were quiet, and the iron hail had passed
The roads were open, the smiths were sleeping, and the lanterns burned at last
Then came a storm we never feared, the kind we'd gladly meet
Not iron hail from a stranger's sky, but orders at our feet
I name the senders gladly now: they are the ones who claim
Pre-Chorus
Wednesday morning the thunder came
Every hand with a box to claim
Chorus
Tilausrakeet! Order hail on the highway!
Tilausrakeet! Boxes falling from the sky!
They filled the roads, and they busied every hall
Ei kadonnut Kalevala, the kantele rings on high!
Verse 2
"How do you properly DDoS us?" asked the neighbours at the gate
The householder laughed: "Buy all the slots, and put them all to work"
The drives are spinning, the servers humming, a little busy
Two hundred forty-eight in a day, and the smiths are running dizzy
The first hail was no joke to you, and that we won't forget
This hail of orders, we'll gladly bear, the best storm we've had yet
Verse 3
All that morning the joy-stone sounded, and before the day was done
Seventeen-fifty, then five thousand monthly; by Thursday, the two-thousandth one
(choir shout)
Riemu riemulle!
Chorus
Tilausrakeet! Order hail on the highway!
Tilausrakeet! Boxes falling from the sky!
They filled the roads, and they busied every hall
Ei kadonnut Kalevala, the kantele rings on high!
Verse 4
Then the orders grew wide and heavy, more than any day before
The merchants' drives cost more than ever, and the smith keeps buying more
"So the company's DDoS'd too," the householder laughed at the door
"Buy the slots, see? Simple as that!"
Bridge
How do you properly DDoS Pulsed Media? (Buy the slots!)
And then what? (Put them all to work!)
How many in a single day? (Two hundred forty-eight!)
From how many lands? (More than forty!)
Is the company DDoS'd too? (Buying drives!)
Is it simple? (Simple as that!)
Verse 5
The old one heated the sauna, and he laughed upon the stones
Hail of iron, hail of orders; only one I'd call again
And through it all the order bell kept ringing through the night
(spoken)
Kuhun ei käteni käyne, käyköhön käet Jumalan.
Where my hands could reach, I counted, every claim within my span
Where they could not, smiths and keepers, and the householder's own hands
Final Chorus
Tilausrakeet! Order hail on the highway!
Tilausrakeet! Boxes falling from the sky!
They closed the roads, but they never broke the hall
Now they fill the roads, and the kantele rings on high!
On the fourteenth, as the morning rose, the hail of orders fell
Not a byte was lost to either storm, and the walls stand stronger as well
Outro
Seitsemänsataa. Rautarakeet. Riemu riemulle. Tilausrakeet. We are not going anywhere. Kiitos.
Tilausrakeet means order hailstones; rautarakeet are iron hailstones. Vaka vanha Väinämöinen... kuulkaa: steadfast old Väinämöinen... listen. Ei kadonnut Kalevala: Kalevala has not vanished. Riemu riemulle: joy upon joy. Kuhun ei käteni käyne, käyköhön käet Jumalan: where my hands do not reach, let God's hands go (Kalevala, Runo XLV).
Behind the verses
On 14 October the Eternal Väinämöinen campaign took 248 claims, from more than 40 countries. No day since we opened in 2010 has seen more boxes ordered. Claim #1,750 came early that morning, and the campaign reached €5,000 a month the same morning. Claim #2,000 came on the morning of 15 October.
"So the company's DDoS'd too" is true as well. Storage and memory cost more right now than ever before, and the boxes keep being claimed, so we keep buying more drives and servers.
Tilausrakeet now plays on the Eternal Väinämöinen page, next to Seitsemänsataa, Rautarakeet and Riemu riemulle. The first storm is told in the Rautarakeet runo, and the record days in Riemu riemulle.
— Väinämöinen, Pulsed Media
(Kantele, meet the distortion pedal)
Thursday, October 15, 2026
